


Blood on her hands

by roryteller



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-19 12:13:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5967058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roryteller/pseuds/roryteller
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kara didn't actually see the explosion, but sometimes she dreams of it.<br/>Set after the events of For the Girl Who Has Everything. Rating for lots of blood and a bit of gore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blood on her hands

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Clark doesn’t remember Krypton, but Kara does.](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/175099) by dinosaur-unicorns. 



Kara didn't actually see the explosion, but sometimes she dreams of it. She sees the streets of Argo City filled with blood, her parents dead, the ground shifting and cracking under her. Sometimes a crack opens up and swallows everything and she screams herself awake as Krypton disappears. Sometimes the planet is an egg that breaks into a million pieces. Sometimes she's holding the egg, but it falls from her hand and shatters before she can catch it.

She wakes up and tells herself that it's over. That they didn't suffer, that it was instantaneous. It doesn't really help.

Sometimes she dreams of them alive and well, and then waking is the hardest part.

Sometimes she wishes she had died with them, and the guilt of it keeps her awake, pain and rage coursing through her veins like bitter poison.

Sometimes, when she first arrived on Earth, she would wake Alex with her screams, and even in those early days when they didn't get along Alex would try to be nice to her, try to comfort her.

Sometimes it helped, and sometimes it didn't.

As Kara got older, the dreams grew less and less frequent. But the night after she woke from the Black Mercy's dream, after her friends have left and Alex has curled up on Kara's couch to sleep (she claimed she'd had too much to drink, but Kara suspected it was just an excuse to stick around) Kara dreams of Krypton again.

But this time, it's different.

She stands in her parents' house, gazing out over the city. She's a little girl again, the age she'd been when she left Krypton, dressed all in white. She can hear her parents talking in the next room, laughing about something. She remembers that she's supposed to be studying, but she doesn't care. She is happy.

Then the floor shifts under her, and she falls, catching herself on hands suddenly splattered with blood. The blood oozes, as though the floor itself is bleeding, and when she tries to pull away it's sticky, thick and warm.

At last she gets free, but it's risen almost to her knees now, and she realizes she's dressed as Supergirl now, but she's still a child, the costume's too big on her, her feet squelching in the oversized boots, the cape sodden, dragging behind her. Her parents are there, their clothes and faces streaked with blood, their eyes dull, empty, and the old guilt returns, a rock in her stomach, a knife twisting in her heart. _Why me? Why not you?_ She reaches for her mother, she's the closest, but her arms aren't long enough, and suddenly Astra is there, a hole in her chest.

She stares into Kara's eyes and she asks, "Why didn't you save me?"

Kara tries to speak, but she can't, her voice has left her, and she's still sinking into the muck, she can't even move anymore.

Then, as always, the quakes start, and the muck bubbles, the planet belching fire. She sinks to her knees as the green light of Kryptonite shines on the dark liquid...

  


The world shook around her, and the bloody muck splashed in her face. There was a hand on her shoulder, someone was trying to drag her under, and-

Kara's eyes snapped open, and she was back in her own dark bedroom in National City. Alex was shaking her.

"Are you okay? It sounded like you were having a nightmare."

Kara took a shaky breath. "I dreamed about Krypton again."

She sat up in bed, and Alex sat down next to her, wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"I had their blood on my hands, Alex. It was terrible. I was Supergirl, but I couldn't save them. I couldn't do anything." Kara stared at her hands in the darkness. She could almost see the blood, could almost feel it, smell it.

"It'll be okay," said Alex, holding Kara tighter, the way she'd done after Kara's childhood nightmares.

"No, it won't," whispered Kara, so quietly Alex almost didn't hear her. More loudly, she added, "Aunt Astra was there. She asked me why I didn't save her."

Was it Kara's imagination, or did some dark expression flit across her sister's face and disappear? All she said was, "It wasn't your fault, Kara. We all did the best we could."

"I know." said Kara.

"Maybe you could, you know, call Clark or something, maybe that would help."

Kara sighed. "He was a baby. He doesn't know what it's like, remembering them."

They sat in silence for a few moments, then Kara shook herself and stood, pulling away from her sister.

"I'm going flying. Want to come, like old times?"

"No, I'd better get some sleep," said Alex. "Long day tomorrow."

"Suit yourself. And thanks. For everything."

Alex opened her mouth to say something—she wasn't sure what, but something—but by then Kara was already gone, out the window in a flash of blue and red, her pyjamas lying in a heap on the floor.

So Alex said it quietly, to the empty room.

"I'm sorry. I am so sorry."


End file.
